when did that happen... and why?

i'm 26 years old.

umm... when did that happen?

it's mid april.
i have 5 days to get my taxes finished.
i've never only had 5 days to get my taxes finished.
i smirk at people who wait until the last minute to do their taxes.
you know that smirk, the one given while silently wondering why anyone who doesn't think they will owe money would want to wait so long to get their return back.
but whatever, i don't like to judge.

more to my point - i have no idea where the first quarter of this year went. i feel like i've suddenly awoken from a dream, and not necessarily a good one either. (though, things could be worse.) i've been in that half sleep half slumber mode for the last couple months - you know - aware. yet still not in a state to do anything about it. then the sun peaks through the crack in curtains and blinds me, i glace at the clock and realize how much of my productive day has been wasted while sleeping in & bam! the clouds from dreamland part.
at this point i'm having a hard time figuring out the universe's plan.
as i look back over the last year of my life, i hardly recognize the person that was living my daily life. sure there are spurts here or there, and don't get me wrong, i haven't been living in a hole of depression by any means, but only about 15% of my plan took form. which means, i'm choosing to believe that means 85% of the universe's plan filled in the gaps. i am fighting the urge to gain control over the plan. i'm a planner. or i like to think i am, at least. i like lists.

my plan: take a year off, dump savings into traveling in asia for a few months, do a lot of yoga, go to chicago to get my yoga teacher certification, read a lot of inspiring books, relax, love life, and then take it from there... perhaps win the lottery and do some more traveling, who knows, i can only plan so far ahead.

universe's plan: take a year off, travel to idaho and unpack, enter dreamlike state, get a serious ankle injury, struggle to keep a yoga practice, coach club soccer, have a lot of alone time, dump savings into starting a business, build the business and then watch it stare mockingly awaiting me to actually do business, read the hunger games and harry potter (not exactly the kind of inspiring that i had in mind originally), walk around seemingly aimless, attend yoga retreat and start to wake up. the plan continues i'm sure of it, but that's all i've gathered so far.

this is where the WHY comes in. when did all of this happen and why? my plan looks wayy better!
my brain wants answers. now.
but even as i sit here typing all of this madness out, my heart is steady.
somehow i have started to detach my need for a plan. somehow i trust that even though my saving account is the lowest i've seen it in 6 years, i don't need it to be higher. somehow my soccer team taught me more over the last year than my yoga practice did. somehow it doesn't matter why. i can't have yesterday's moments back, and i don't know what tomorrow's moments will bring. it's cliche for a reason. i only have this moment, so i can wonder why over the past or worry away my future, or i can just trust and enjoy this moment.

in my new found clarity of leaving dreamland i'm putting together ideas of how i want to take advantage of my moments. as previously stated, i have a love for lists; i think more clearly as i write things down. i have a large pile of notebooks hanging out on my bookshelf. i keep journals of thoughts and such. you get the idea. normally i'm the only person that reads these things, which is why i'm the only person who knows how funny i am. plus, i feel most people would have a hard time following most of my thought process, but if you've made it this far then i guess i'm doing alright. anyway, a friend of mine (who also blogs over yonder) told me i need to start blogging again. so if your interested in sharing my moments then you can stop in anytime. i don't promise i'll write often, but i'll write more than once year. after all, i do have the time now.

first thing on my list: do taxes.

namaste ♥

wanting to break rules

this week i've been thinking a lot about rules and things i want...

the two seem to interfere with each other wayy too much for my free spirit.

there are things i want that i can't have.

things i wanted in the past that i didn't get.

and my mind keeps taking me back to an easy bake oven...

when i was younger i asked for an easy bake oven. every year. for every holiday that i received a gift. for YEARS.... i really really wanted one so i made sure to use my manners. and there was NO WAY santa could have put me on the naughty list. i was an angel, ask anyone! yet every year, for every holiday, there was no easy bake oven amongst my gifts. (i'm realizing now that this must have been my mother's way of telling me that i don't belong in a kitchen... sorry boys, you can take that one up with her)

i remember my sophomore year in high school i opened one of my gifts at christmas, and there sat in my lap an easy bake oven... i remember looking at my mother like this was some sort of cruel joke, wrapping one of my presents in an easy bake oven box. kinda twisted if you ask me. but no, much to my surprise, it was an actual easy bake oven. i half expected my next gift to be a plastic orange slide, but i guess something about weight restrictions made her reason against it. now in the moment i didn't find any humor in this... we returned the easy bake oven the next day. so naturally i still hold this over her head. i never got my easy bake oven, i never got my plastic orange slide, and i never had siblings to blame stuff on... life just wasn't fair.

i was the only one with rules to follow, and no one to distract the parental units from noticing me not following them... its a crappy arrangement and i don't recommend it.

today i woke up feeling feisty. and hyper. and wanting things i can't have.

so during breakfast (which i cooked. in a kitchen! miracle do happen.) i was pondering all of this and you know something else i always wanted growing up??

a trampoline.

i'm sure you know where this is going.... i never got one.

and to make matters worse there was this pesky little rule about no jumping on beds...

umm. what do you expect a girl with no trampoline to do?!

then brilliance hit me...

take that mother.... ;]

quotable insights...

i'm doing a yoga workshop this weekend with Wade Morissette

tonight during our practice he said...

inspiration comes from nothing

he explained that when we are conscious in our life and let spontaneity surface from within, that is where our true inspiration lays. its born from nothing. just that quiet collected part of your soul.

and i LOVED it. so now i share with you. much love.

procrastinate much?? - warning: slightly sappy love story enclosed.

its been so long that i can't even remember how i came up with PYHOOYAADS for my project name... that. is. sad. and slightly nerve racking. :] but lucky for me i do remember what my project meant to me and what it was all about, and i can proudly say that it has been in full swing since its inception - which was a good movie by the way! :] -

i promised pictures of my new, so very exciting, room, and god knows what else i had originally planned for this... the room is definitely put together now. i found the perfect dresser! i put up shelves, i bought art pieces, and of course i have more to come on that front. and that my friends is pretty much where the planned out pyhooyaads happenings stopped... maybe my project didn't go exactly how i was planning for it to go. but the best projects never do because when you are busy planning things, life is actually happening to you, ready or not.

so on with the unplanned pyhooyaads already! this is the best part...

girl sees boy with a scruffy beard. boy sees girl with muddy boots.

magic happens.

yep that's right. magic. its the only way i can explain that night - and don't be dirty, it was PG.

that boy right there... he saved this girl from herself.

in the process of trying to break free and find myself i was really just burying myself into other things to avoid the whole situation. but some how, against my better judgement, i let things unfold. it all happened very quickly i might add. he became my best friend so easily; like chocolate and peanut butter, that was just the way it was supposed to be. and soon enough we were inseparable.

we are almost too similar... like we are both kinda sarcastic assholes. and complete goofballs.

he taught me how to let my inner kid run free again, which is something i had been missing for a good while. and along with many other things, i feel that is the biggest thing that i'm most grateful to him for. in him i was able to create my safe sanctuary to start to explore those energies again. to really tap into my creative side and express it without reserved judgements.

i felt alive again...

then one day he said something that really struck something inside me.

he was being his normal playful self, egging me on to join him. but i didn't. apparently this was not the first time this had happened. he just looked at me with complete confusion - i dont get you, half of the time you are all about being a crazy goofball, and half the time you aren't. -

i brushed it off at the time but it kept coming back to me. and i soon realized i was only sharing that creativity with him. if there were other people around, i all of a sudden was shy and slightly self conscience - eww. and while yes, me expressing any of the side of me was a big improvement on the last few years of my life, it wasn't fair for him to only have me half the time, it wasn't fair to the other people i love in my life that i didn't share it with them, and most importantly it was not fair to me to only express myself on that level within certain boundaries. especially considering that said boy was leaving me for greener pastures on the very opposite side of the country! bastard. which then gave me a mild panic attack thinking that all my creativity was going to go byebye with him and never come back.

SO! as an effort to correct this change... i have put some things into place to make sure i continue on this journey of finding my creativity AND sharing it. :]

on that note - i need to get some sleepy sleep in.

i'll be back soon - until then. sweet dreams and much love.

ps - he's not really a bastard... he's in the air force. duty calls. whatev. i even revamped my closet special for him, but he refused to go AWOL.... i dont know what his problem was, i made sure it was comfy!

project pyhooyaads

funny how life takes you on roads you never imagined to plan for... the last two months has been a whole LOT of that for me. plans have changed, and more have been set in motion so this brings me to the beginning of my next chapter in life, i suppose.

with my new chapter i have happened across a new living space to go along with my hectic work schedule, and i've realized i have been putting all the things i love on the back burner, and in order to leap out of this terrible routine i have put project PYHOOYAADS in motion....

(pronounced fooyads - the first y is silent) :]

and my first assignment is going completely crazy on my new room!

my next several posts will be covering the transformation. i have some before photos for you below. i'm pretty excited about this, and already have lots of ideas flowing.

my color scheme: orange, gray, several shades of blue, yellow, and splashes of green. think bright colors. :] i'm in love just thinking about it all.

here is a couple snap shots of what i'm starting with, i've even cleaned up a bit by this point.... don't judge me. :]

next step: i seriously need a dresser....

♥

quote obsession

and you can thank my beautiful mama for it. :]

she gives me daily inspiration with her quote finding abilities.

for her recent birthday i wanted to give her something i knew she would love. i found a great book of quotes, one for each day of the year. of course i started reading them and realized i really wanted one too, so i also found me a good quote book too.

today i found one that i want to share...

love people when they least deserve it

-swedish proverb

because really its not whether they deserve it or not, its that they really need it....

♥

it really comes down to the little things in life :]

fyi - i picked the blue dress....

it twirls! :]

and that makes my heart happy.

♥

all in a day's work...

this weekend i got to blow up a mountain :] dont even worry - i'm a professional...

i work for west construction.

here is a lil glimpse at site.

this is just a little blast...

.... hopefully that wasn't too disappointing.

but there you have it - shot rock was grown right here in alaska! ;]

we are doing a job in seward, ak and i had to go down for a few days to get stuff set up. its a pretty cool little town actually. lots of tourist stuff to do. some really good food joints as well. also exit glacier is right there, i didn't get to go hike it like i wanted, but its not far from here so i think i'll go down again another weekend and do it. its a beautiful drive. i am a sucker for waterfalls and there were tons of waterfalls along the road... here was my favorite one.

oh! and if anyone is interested or know anyone who is interested...

my mama has a beautiful piece of property for sale there! :]

have a happy sunday! ♥

S is for Sunday Shopping Spree & Smoothies

i was bad today - and it felt sooo good! :] thank god i dont have my own apartment or i might have broken my shopping spree record today... i visited anthropologie.com today :] i'm in LOVE with some of their curtains, furniture, bedding, aprons (they have the cutest aprons! i own one already), table cloth, and i'm sure more that i'm forgetting about due to the excitement that is running through my head as i replay this all. :] and dont even get me started on the outfits i had picked out! sooo many dresses♥ after i added everything in my cart i realized i needed to turn my brain back on and think about each item more carefully... i settled for just two dresses. which inevitably if i know myself i'll send one of them back when i get them. i'm the queen of doing this.

explanation: i shop til i drop online and then i once i get it all i have a fashion show and send it all back. :] it was the only way i felt like i could have a girly shopping day in dutch harbor. online shopping was all we had. i have not broken out of this habit yet. i have only been to the mall twice since i moved to the main land again.... scratch that - 3 times, but once was just for lunch. the first time my man was with me so i wasn't really caring too much about the shopping, and the second time i was on a mission for flip flops and i kept my eyes glued to the floor to stay out of trouble....

so do you want to see my dresses?! ... i thought you'd never ask. ta-daahhhh!

ohh no.... so while just getting these photos from you i saw two other dresses i didn't see the first time around!! ah! someday.... anywho - these dresses can be found here.

i also have to share these lovelies... they make my heart happy and can be found here.

are sundays not the absolute best day of the week?! i have pretty much loved sundays since i was 16. such a laid back day full of whatever the hell you feel like! its a beautiful thing. today's sunday was spent mostly indoors. i caught up on my not so daily blog reading and became fully inspired! dont you just love that? && i found some new blogs that are sure to become favorites. went shopping. and then what do know, the sun comes out 30 mins before my yoga class. figures. so i had a mental argument whether or not i should bask in the sun or be diligent in my practice. my inner yogi won. and it was an amazing class. :] then i tried out a new place for smoothies! - i have been on a mission looking for the best smoothie in this town. - but that is a whole other post... and my beautiful sister is calling so i bid you all goodnight!

♥

the pack rat gene

i'm trying to figure out when exactly this gene of mine kicked in... when i really think about it i know this is a family trait; but yet i still can't believe what a lil pack rat i've become! i mean, i don't belong on that show hoarders or anything, but i just have way too much stuff for a single girl my age, that doesn't have a permanent home. and anytime i go somewhere i just seem to want to take all of it with me. like i think i'm actually going to use the 4 different kinds of lotion in the next few months, or the 50 pairs of shoes, when in actuality i am here to work, and not just any work, but construction. so i'm out on a job site everyday. i wear work boots every day, what do i need all these other shoes for?? i work 10 hours a day. then i might hit the gym, so i would need my gym shoes, then any running around i feel like doing gets done before i head home so i would still be in work boots, and my house 'shoes' are also known as socks. so there you have it. i really only needed to bring 2 pairs of shoes. okay maybe 3, i do get sundays off.... instead i have with me 10 pairs of shoes. 10! for a few months of work on a job site. insane. i have 2 pairs of flats, wedges, 2 tennis shoes, my roxy boots, my globes, my dc's, my danner work boots, and my pink rain boots. yet i think back and when i packed all these i had a perfectly ( ehheemm - crazy) legit reason for bringing each one. and don't even get me started on my books and notepads.... this is prolly the only reason i hate relocating. not to mention beside all this stuff i carry around with me, i also have a storage unit back home, one in seattle, and i'm pretty sure my mother has a ton more stuff from back when i was little. which i pray i will never actually have to go through myself, much less claim any of it.

SOOOOOOO - that being said. i am ready to give into the whole spring cleaning bit and simplify my life. at least this small section of it that i'm packing around with me. i'll have to deal with the storage units some other time :] this weekend i'm going to de-clutter! i challenge you to do the same - live simple. live happy. ♥