its been so long that i can't even remember how i came up with PYHOOYAADS for my project name... that. is. sad. and slightly nerve racking. :] but lucky for me i do remember what my project meant to me and what it was all about, and i can proudly say that it has been in full swing since its inception - which was a good movie by the way! :] -
i promised pictures of my new, so very exciting, room, and god knows what else i had originally planned for this... the room is definitely put together now. i found the perfect dresser! i put up shelves, i bought art pieces, and of course i have more to come on that front. and that my friends is pretty much where the planned out pyhooyaads happenings stopped... maybe my project didn't go exactly how i was planning for it to go. but the best projects never do because when you are busy planning things, life is actually happening to you, ready or not.
so on with the unplanned pyhooyaads already! this is the best part...
girl sees boy with a scruffy beard. boy sees girl with muddy boots.
magic happens.
yep that's right. magic. its the only way i can explain that night - and don't be dirty, it was PG.
that boy right there... he saved this girl from herself.
in the process of trying to break free and find myself i was really just burying myself into other things to avoid the whole situation. but some how, against my better judgement, i let things unfold. it all happened very quickly i might add. he became my best friend so easily; like chocolate and peanut butter, that was just the way it was supposed to be. and soon enough we were inseparable.
we are almost too similar... like we are both kinda sarcastic assholes. and complete goofballs.
he taught me how to let my inner kid run free again, which is something i had been missing for a good while. and along with many other things, i feel that is the biggest thing that i'm most grateful to him for. in him i was able to create my safe sanctuary to start to explore those energies again. to really tap into my creative side and express it without reserved judgements.
i felt alive again...
then one day he said something that really struck something inside me.
he was being his normal playful self, egging me on to join him. but i didn't. apparently this was not the first time this had happened. he just looked at me with complete confusion - i dont get you, half of the time you are all about being a crazy goofball, and half the time you aren't. -
i brushed it off at the time but it kept coming back to me. and i soon realized i was only sharing that creativity with him. if there were other people around, i all of a sudden was shy and slightly self conscience - eww. and while yes, me expressing any of the side of me was a big improvement on the last few years of my life, it wasn't fair for him to only have me half the time, it wasn't fair to the other people i love in my life that i didn't share it with them, and most importantly it was not fair to me to only express myself on that level within certain boundaries. especially considering that said boy was leaving me for greener pastures on the very opposite side of the country! bastard. which then gave me a mild panic attack thinking that all my creativity was going to go byebye with him and never come back.
SO! as an effort to correct this change... i have put some things into place to make sure i continue on this journey of finding my creativity AND sharing it. :]
on that note - i need to get some sleepy sleep in.
i'll be back soon - until then. sweet dreams and much love.
ps - he's not really a bastard... he's in the air force. duty calls. whatev. i even revamped my closet special for him, but he refused to go AWOL.... i dont know what his problem was, i made sure it was comfy!
