wanting to break rules

this week i've been thinking a lot about rules and things i want...

the two seem to interfere with each other wayy too much for my free spirit.

there are things i want that i can't have.

things i wanted in the past that i didn't get.

and my mind keeps taking me back to an easy bake oven...

when i was younger i asked for an easy bake oven. every year. for every holiday that i received a gift. for YEARS.... i really really wanted one so i made sure to use my manners. and there was NO WAY santa could have put me on the naughty list. i was an angel, ask anyone! yet every year, for every holiday, there was no easy bake oven amongst my gifts. (i'm realizing now that this must have been my mother's way of telling me that i don't belong in a kitchen... sorry boys, you can take that one up with her)

i remember my sophomore year in high school i opened one of my gifts at christmas, and there sat in my lap an easy bake oven... i remember looking at my mother like this was some sort of cruel joke, wrapping one of my presents in an easy bake oven box. kinda twisted if you ask me. but no, much to my surprise, it was an actual easy bake oven. i half expected my next gift to be a plastic orange slide, but i guess something about weight restrictions made her reason against it. now in the moment i didn't find any humor in this... we returned the easy bake oven the next day. so naturally i still hold this over her head. i never got my easy bake oven, i never got my plastic orange slide, and i never had siblings to blame stuff on... life just wasn't fair.

i was the only one with rules to follow, and no one to distract the parental units from noticing me not following them... its a crappy arrangement and i don't recommend it.

today i woke up feeling feisty. and hyper. and wanting things i can't have.

so during breakfast (which i cooked. in a kitchen! miracle do happen.) i was pondering all of this and you know something else i always wanted growing up??

a trampoline.

i'm sure you know where this is going.... i never got one.

and to make matters worse there was this pesky little rule about no jumping on beds...

umm. what do you expect a girl with no trampoline to do?!

then brilliance hit me...

take that mother.... ;]

quotable insights...

i'm doing a yoga workshop this weekend with Wade Morissette

tonight during our practice he said...

inspiration comes from nothing

he explained that when we are conscious in our life and let spontaneity surface from within, that is where our true inspiration lays. its born from nothing. just that quiet collected part of your soul.

and i LOVED it. so now i share with you. much love.

procrastinate much?? - warning: slightly sappy love story enclosed.

its been so long that i can't even remember how i came up with PYHOOYAADS for my project name... that. is. sad. and slightly nerve racking. :] but lucky for me i do remember what my project meant to me and what it was all about, and i can proudly say that it has been in full swing since its inception - which was a good movie by the way! :] -

i promised pictures of my new, so very exciting, room, and god knows what else i had originally planned for this... the room is definitely put together now. i found the perfect dresser! i put up shelves, i bought art pieces, and of course i have more to come on that front. and that my friends is pretty much where the planned out pyhooyaads happenings stopped... maybe my project didn't go exactly how i was planning for it to go. but the best projects never do because when you are busy planning things, life is actually happening to you, ready or not.

so on with the unplanned pyhooyaads already! this is the best part...

girl sees boy with a scruffy beard. boy sees girl with muddy boots.

magic happens.

yep that's right. magic. its the only way i can explain that night - and don't be dirty, it was PG.

that boy right there... he saved this girl from herself.

in the process of trying to break free and find myself i was really just burying myself into other things to avoid the whole situation. but some how, against my better judgement, i let things unfold. it all happened very quickly i might add. he became my best friend so easily; like chocolate and peanut butter, that was just the way it was supposed to be. and soon enough we were inseparable.

we are almost too similar... like we are both kinda sarcastic assholes. and complete goofballs.

he taught me how to let my inner kid run free again, which is something i had been missing for a good while. and along with many other things, i feel that is the biggest thing that i'm most grateful to him for. in him i was able to create my safe sanctuary to start to explore those energies again. to really tap into my creative side and express it without reserved judgements.

i felt alive again...

then one day he said something that really struck something inside me.

he was being his normal playful self, egging me on to join him. but i didn't. apparently this was not the first time this had happened. he just looked at me with complete confusion - i dont get you, half of the time you are all about being a crazy goofball, and half the time you aren't. -

i brushed it off at the time but it kept coming back to me. and i soon realized i was only sharing that creativity with him. if there were other people around, i all of a sudden was shy and slightly self conscience - eww. and while yes, me expressing any of the side of me was a big improvement on the last few years of my life, it wasn't fair for him to only have me half the time, it wasn't fair to the other people i love in my life that i didn't share it with them, and most importantly it was not fair to me to only express myself on that level within certain boundaries. especially considering that said boy was leaving me for greener pastures on the very opposite side of the country! bastard. which then gave me a mild panic attack thinking that all my creativity was going to go byebye with him and never come back.

SO! as an effort to correct this change... i have put some things into place to make sure i continue on this journey of finding my creativity AND sharing it. :]

on that note - i need to get some sleepy sleep in.

i'll be back soon - until then. sweet dreams and much love.

ps - he's not really a bastard... he's in the air force. duty calls. whatev. i even revamped my closet special for him, but he refused to go AWOL.... i dont know what his problem was, i made sure it was comfy!